Freedom lies in path of your passions

IMG_9073What if freedom, what we all want, is specific? Not to a universal truth or common ideology. Though we are similar, what if we truly are inherently different?

What if what you need is what you need to find out for yourself?

I have begun the arduous journey of discovering that a lot of things we are told are not based on truth. Correction, MANY of the things we are told are false. The way to dress, talk, behave, pursue, succeed, love, hate, it is explained somewhere.

But I must pose the question: There seems to be limitless answers, so why don’t we live in utopian bliss? Because the answer for one may not ring true for another. I believe at best, answers are an attempt for truth, but there is something missing.

Sometimes as I scour the internet, and watch films exposing injustice, I discover a world of artificial truths, and feel defeated. I feel lied to, manipulated and discouraged. It causes me a great deal of emotional turmoil to discover that many things I have believed for as long as I can remember, may not in fact be true. They may not even be based on my well-being. Maybe I should have known this earlier, maybe a lot of you already are aware of this, through direct experience of false truth.

However, I do know I am not the only one who feels confused. I could let it beat me. I could curl up in a ball and choose not to believe what anyone says. I could become bitter, resentful and angry. I could fight fire with fire and violently aggress against those that enforce unethical bounds to our very existence.

But at the end of the day, I do not have the answer either. I do not know anyone who does, and I’m not sure one answer exists. Recently I have been made aware of many false ideas, yet the revealing of truth is specific to those areas. Uncovering the reality of one situation does not always generalize to an ultimate solution. That would be great, but it is not something I have been able to witness thus far.

So we are left with our capacity for wonder, our ability to imagine and create. We are left with our curiosity, thirst for knowledge, and innate need to survive. We reside within these bodies for a period of time, longing to be fulfilled, longing to be nourished.

We are told that we must work for it. That success does not come without hard work. But we have begun to associate that synonymously with monetary success, and forgotten what that actually produces.

When you look at your life, and what you desire to accomplish, how much of it is based on other people?
How much of your life is dedicated to responding to what you’ve been told?
How many hours of your day to you spend working hard towards a goal you don’t intrinsically desire to meet?
If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results then I beg you to stop for just a second.
Stop and think about times in your life where you have felt joy, happiness, success, freedom, love and belonging. What is it that has made you feel like life has a purpose? I do not ask what your purpose is, because that is a question we are asked constantly that may or may not have an ultimate truth to it.
Maybe it has been a long time since you felt purpose, maybe you have been convinced that you were destined to be whatever it is that you currently are.

But what if we believed freedom was relative? That our needs might in fact be unique? What if you saw yourself as a someone who has the inherent ability to fulfill your own specific needs?
Then it becomes a matter of figuring that out, of working hard to fulfill the needs that you actually require. You can become empowered by your own existence, knowing you hold truth within yourself. Working hard becomes less about providing the financial security to allow for basic survival. Instead it becomes the search for fulfillment, whatever that may be.

If you are unhappy with who you are or where you are at, take a moment to think about what you want. What you really want.
Now think about what you are currently doing.
How many of those wants are consistent with your ideal reality? How many are you unsure of? How many are directly in opposition with them?

Sometimes I think we are afraid to know what we want, because we know how hard it will be to pursue it. Because of money, adversaries, geography, time, lack of support and lack of belief in ourselves.
But spending our days chasing after something that we KNOW we don’t want, is never going to get us closer to a purposeful life.

Your value is not in the money you earn.
It is not in the materials you attain.
It is not the people you know, the places you’ve been.

There is value in what you want. What you really, really want.
What you would do for free. What you would sacrifice everything for. It is not restricted to a career, or lifestyle. It is what you want people to say about you when you’re gone.
Whether you believe life has a reason and purpose or not, you have the ability to create it, because you are alive, and you always have something to offer.

When you don’t want what they want, that does not mean you have failed. It means you have a different idea of what success is.

And here is the ultimate challenge. What is it that you want, that can also make someone else’s life better? Is your want simply about personal gain, or is there a way you can meet with a greater need?

“Vocation is where our greatest passion meets the world’s greatest need.” – Frederick Buechner

The world needs you. It needs your pursuits, desires and passions.

Me? I have new goals everyday. Seriously, it could be considered a hobby.

I want truth, and direction.
I want to contribute to a system that reaps and sows equality.
I want to erase cognitive dissonance from my life.
I want to depend on others, and not attempt to live life by my own strengths.
I want to experience art, and new realms of creativity.
I want to experience my skill set based on what it is that the world needs from me.
I want to feel free to express my deepest desires, and be excited about them.
I know that life has meaning. I want to cultivate that and erase the meaningless pursuits that strip it of its worth.
I want to know what love is at its best.

Seek first. Know after. Follow Freedom. Love unconditionally.


The Pursuit of Truth


I’ve been away. You see, I’ve been trying to find truth. But it seems to evade me. Many hold a version of truth, but I fear none are certain. There are many answers, but I always seem to have more questions. I wonder if truth exists.

That’s a scary thought. Yet the idea consumes my thoughts. So in the interest of being transparent, let me tell you how terrifying it is to feel like truth is unknowable. Many may argue, even attempt to convince me otherwise. However, currently, this is how I understand it. Though there are minds in the world relatively much more educated and intelligent than my own, the only reality I will ever be able to attempt to fully grasp is mine. No matter the knowledge I gain of policies, laws of nature, discoveries of quantum physics or neuroscience, I will remain inside my reality. I will remain inside this body, with this brain, the one that so longs for something true. Maybe we ought to pay attention to it.

I feel confused, that maybe the answers I have been told are not, in fact, the whole story. I feel confused for myself, asking what part of my own reality am I truly experiencing, and if the rest is a conclusion to help me navigate this world “successfully”.
The thing is, this confusion is not by one fault. The person who told you that in order to be happy you need the right car or clothes, they were likely told something such as that before, and are merely repeating it. Many times I have had the audacity to claim an opinion on ideas I don’t know I really believe to be true. This is because we learn what is available to learn. We learn within our culture, our environment. So maybe a lot of it is outside your control, maybe we have to actively swim upstream, against the ideas that are easy to passively accept when asking for a comfortable life.

Sometimes I wonder if truth exists, or if we simply cannot know it. Sometimes I wonder if we even need search for it. Is there really beauty without understanding?

So what are we supposed to do then? Gosh, I wish I knew. If that were the case, this message would be written in CAPS LOCK and I would do a better job of making it as flawless as the literature law-makers claim quality writing to be.

If I can’t know truth then what can I know?
People say “feelings can be deceiving”, does that mean I can’t even know myself? Is it really that impossible?

In the midst of my inner chaos, I am brought before one idea. I am choosing to begin believing that reality is not absolute, and what works for one, does not have to work for another. Truth may exist, but often I forget to look for the truths within myself right at this moment.

What truth are you listening to? Does it feel right? Or does it make you feel you are not good enough? Does it cause you to fall asleep on a wet pillow, knowing waking up will bring with it a new set of fears? Is it what puts you on auto-pilot, working every day for a pay check and waiting for another day off? Is it the one that presents one road, yet still you can’t seem to figure out how to travel along it?

Why is it that we listen to something, anything, that makes us feel inadequate? When did we allow our own voice to become unfamiliar?
Sure. We want to belong, we thrive in community, we are social beings, or so we’ve been told.
But maybe being social is about contributing the parts of ourself that no one else can. Maybe it need be less about the way we must strive to be number one, and simply about being with one another.

What could finally bring us to accept the inherent value in one another, rather than systems based on failure vs success?

We have created a dichotomy that does not satisfy the diversity of humanity.

Do you feel inadequate? Are you unhappy? Are you listening to someone telling you what you need to accomplish to be okay?

We live in a performance driven culture. One that expects input for output. Yet they choose what you are allowed to contribute. You are more than that. You are a multifaceted, beautiful, unique individual, and that does not change. There is beauty in relationships and community, and I believe that will flourish exponentially when you are able to be who you really desire to be. It means you will have the courage to seek out other people like yourself.

Listen to yourself. Listen to what you want. It is real. It is there within the wonder of a human brain that you have. You are powerful, you are intelligent, you are an innate problem solver. You can create life, instead of fostering death. You can promote growth, instead of allowing suppression. If you can find it within yourself to believe that you are everything you need to be, only then will you be able to begin to pursue ultimate truth.

As long as we let ourselves be told who we are, we will never truly know.

Who are you? I don’t know. Do you?
When truth is hard to find, will you be able to trust the truth within yourself?

You have a voice. May it be celebrated.

I Don’t Know.

DSC_0776Every day we are surrounded with certainty.

In the rules that we live by.
The laws that govern our behaviour.
The fashion trends that tells us what is acceptable.
The norms that shape who we think we are allowed to be in a given situation.
We see people in their roles, careers and religious beliefs
And so many of them just seem so…freaking… certain.

They seem certain of their place in the society.
They seem certain of who they are, and who they will be.
They seem certain of what is right, wrong, important and not.


Because being vulnerable and honest is not what we do naturally. It’s what we do in the safety of the very few people who make us feel we can be truly ourselves. It is what we so desperately desire to be at the core of our most treasured relationships.
Not having it all together isn’t the way we approach our lives.
Not knowing what we feel, believe, want, desire or need isn’t the “way of the wise”.

Yet, all the while, people are ready to tell you what you need to have it all.
What things, what jobs and what hobbies.
The things that will ultimately lead you to a better life.

But what happens when you just don’t know?
When you don’t know what you want out of life.
When you don’t know what you believe.
When you don’t know WHO to believe.
When you want something else.

What then?

You can try. God knows you can spend your whole life trying to be better, smarter and looking for the solution.

Or you can say “I don’t know”.

You can say “I don’t know” to your career.
You can say “I don’t know” to your dreams.
You can say “I don’t know” to yourself, to others, to the world.

But don’t stop there. You don’t have to know to move forward. In fact moving forward without certainty is often what leads us to the most incredible things.

“I don’t know” is saying “I’m willing to be surprised”
“I don’t know” is saying “there is more than this”
“I don’t know” is saying “I’m not and will not pretend to be perfect”

Don’t let anyone tell you that not knowing means you have failed. Don’t let anyone tell you that “I don’t know” is synonymous with “I’ve stopped looking”.

I believe that sometimes “I don’t know” is the best answer.
Because it is HONEST. And I believe we spend too much of our lives pretending we are satisfied in the answers we have given in to for lack of better options.

If you don’t have the answer, That is OKAY.

I don’t either.

I want to say goodbye to false certainty, and look forward to a life of “I don’t know”.

Because no matter how hard we try to know, sometimes we just don’t.

4 tips to ease the mind of an over-thinker

10248755515_7859b0be20_kOkay, I believe it’s time I admit to myself what I am. At the risk of oversimplifying, I’ll take my hours of over thinking and declare myself an over thinker.
Do I know the extent of which another might be thinking? No.
Do I know the perceived “natural” amount of thinking that one should experience within the span of a day? No.

But I know this.
For as long as I can remember I have been one to examine everything.
I wonder why people are doing what they are doing in every environment that I enter.
I analyze my interactions with every single human being, sometimes to the point where I forget what we were actually talking about, instead remembering what my body language may have conveyed.
I journal, sometimes to remember things, mostly to try and get some of the exploding amounts of thoughts out of my head and onto paper.
I often can’t sleep at night, as I spend the hours before rest reflecting on the day and organizing the one ahead. My dreams are filled with what I can only presume is thought overload with less resistance.
When it comes to relationships, I weigh the pros and cons of them, and doubt my place in life, society, all of it.

Okay before you conclude that I’m a little insane and move on to Buzzfeed, I’m betting many of you can connect with at least some of these experiences. If not, you must be a satisfied individual with whom I am greatly envious of, and would like to sit and enjoy a coffee with you.

For anyone who can identify with the experience of overwhelming thoughts and emotions. For anyone who wonders about existentialism, spirituality, meaning, purpose, vision, freedom etc… and can’t seem to turn it off, here is my attempt at easing the insanity that is our lives. While there have been many times where I resent my over-active mind, I also believe it can be a blessing. Although I have the capacity to feel deeply dark emotions, it goes both ways as I can and do experience the incredible joys of life as well.

So I’m choosing to accept it. There, I said it. I’m an over thinker. Now i’m going to go sit in my bed and hypothesize about who is reading this and what they are thinking about me… but first some tips:

1. It does not matter if you are an introvert or extrovert, if you classify yourself as an over thinker, you NEED alone time. I used to think it was scary. Now I love it. Heck, today I was alone pretty much all day, biked around town running errands and by the end I felt fantastic. I used to think that the only way I could achieve satisfaction and happiness was through relationships and communication with other people. I would have identified as an extrovert, and I hated having to spend time alone because that meant I might have to mull over the oblivion that is my mind. Now I crave the alone time. Why? It lets me process without the stress of more incoming information. I can think about what has been going on, process, analyze, move on. I can think for a while, and then spend the rest of the time doing something that makes my brain happy, like build something or play guitar. Seriously, don’t ever feel bad for needing time alone. Don’t feel guilty for leaving early, or feel the need to apologize for keeping your down time sacred. Just as you would schedule in a lecture or meeting, try scheduling yourself in for some good ol’ fashion me time, and see what your mind does when it has the chance to slow down.

2. You can’t fix everything at once even though you want to. I have this problem where I want to learn a million new skills and I convince myself I need to learn them all at once as soon as I discover them or else I will amount to nothing (overthinking in its prime). But reality is, if it takes me 10 years to write a book, build a desk, or learn to play the banjo, I am still a valuable person. If you have ever overwhelmed yourself with thoughts and ideas of all the tasks you should and must complete, take it down a notch. Pick one, maybe two things to focus on. And try them until you are ready to move on. Perhaps one will stick with you and you will see it through to perfection… er amateurism. Or perhaps it will totally suck, either way, just choose. Try separating by days, weeks, months or years. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to be busy all of the time, you don’t have to be bettering yourself at every moment. Just chill, be unproductive even, it’s okay. I’m learning how to be more okay with this from my wicked cool basement roomie (you know who you are).

3. Just stop and do you.

Sometimes we have this idea that there is a way we “should” be feeling in a situation.

“I should be having fun because I’m at a party with lots of people and it’s rowdy and everyone else looks super stoked!”
“I should be stoked that i’m in lecture learning this crazy scienc-ey stuff, it’s super interesting… I think!”
“I should be wearing this, or saying this, or laughing like this, or umm…”

Okay I’m lost.
Maybe everyone you know likes parties, except you. Stop feeling like you’re weird and just accept the fact that you have your own individual personality and there are probably other people who feel the way you do but are too afraid to say so anyways! Go with how you feel, because you’re probably right.
No, I’m not saying avoid every social interaction because you’re not sure if you will like it. Yes, I am saying what you like and don’t like is completely up to you, it can change, and you have every right to feel it. Maybe you need to find new people to hang out with. Maybe you need to say No and see who follows. Maybe you need to STOP thinking about what people will think and just do you!

4. Spend some time with someone who you don’t have to put on an act with. Someone who doesn’t make you examine your responses, body language or decisions. This could be your mom, brother, sister, friend, dog… it doesn’t matter. Someone that lets you be you. Someone that isn’t expecting anything. Someone that you can watch tv for four hours with, and not say a word. Everyone deserves to have at least one person like this, and if you don’t at the moment, repeat step 1.

That’s all the steps I have for you today.
Remember, thinking is good, but it can be overkill.
So give your brain a rest, you deserve it.

Photo Attribution: Sebastien Wiertz

There’s only one way to eat an elephant


A piece at a time. 

Heard this quote from a documentary named “I Am”. Strange, but true. Don’t worry you’re not about to read about elephant delicacies, you can relax. It’s about the process.

The people you see changing the world. It started with one thing. With one idea. With one accomplishment. With one failure. With one frustration.

Sometimes the world feels unfixable. Overwhelmingly broken and tarnished. Sometimes we feel like it’s easier to go along with it. That may be somewhat true, it is easier to go with the flow. It’s easier to not try.

Yet ease is not always synonymous with happiness. It may be viewed that way sometimes, as we seem to see the ease at which some live in ultimate wealth. But as we chase ease, we ignore fulfillment.

Maybe you have been told a million times to never give up. Maybe you have ben expected to.

Never give up.

On your dreams, your desires, your journey.
On love, hope, and possibility.

I don’t believe life is about living in ease as it is about living a full life because you have put forth the effort to fill it.

And you can do it. You can do it because everyone starts somewhere. And I think starting is the hardest part. Starting is being vulnerable. It is knowing that you very well could fail. but not starting means you will, every time.

You can do it because nothing else will ever grant you the same satisfaction. you can distract yourself with money, people, technology. But nothing will ever compare to the satisfaction that will come from seeking something true.

I find myself overwhelmed with confusion at the idea of seeking truth. There are many lies, many proclaimed truths, yet none seem to answer all of my questions. None seem to satisfy.

And so I have decided that it is the search that matters. In everything. The search for healing. The search for overcoming your struggles. The search for love, truth and joy.
It is not the answer that lies somewhere for us to find. It is the act of seeking out something better, something more true and more real.

Don’t give up. Everyone has to start somewhere. One day, one decision, one act. One choice to better yourself by deciding that you are deserving and able to experience the fullness of life. Whatever that might look like for you.

Don’t believe the idea that it’s not worth it. Don’t believe the idea that you’re not good enough. Don’t believe the idea that you are not the one who could overcome.

You can. You will. I believe in you

Here is a poem I wrote on fulfillment, or heaven as some might call it

When goodness overwhelms you, darkness is appealed

When happiness seems normal, the depths now a stranger

When hope is imminent, the future looks bright

When music is beautiful, each note ignites your soul

When company is perfectly imperfect, community is the ultimate union

When smiles are real, and laughter is uproarious

When passions are utilized, in a culture of variety

When love is alive, because there is trust

When money is unnecessary, because humanity is equal

When people see physical differences, as a celebration of uniqueness

When the outside drew you to the inside, it has nothing to hide

When time is stopped, because your capacity is only this moment

When compassion is redundant, because inequality doesn’t exist

When thieving ceased, because thy self is enough

When violence was torn, because there is no such thing as comparison

When distractions are nil, because the present is engaging

When exercise is not fitness it is being alive, and moving is the product

When art was expanding, the notion of creation

When love is everything, all we could ever need.


Photo Attribution: Stuart Bassil

Thoughts on life

I’ve been thinking for a while now what to write about. It took some hard conversations and realizations to discover that I was not in a place where I could write instructions, information or advice. I have come to remember what my intentions were when I started this blog.

All I wanted was to be able to articulate aspects of the human condition. To meet people in their brokenness, and to present the idea that maybe there is hope. I don’t always know what that looks like, or how to achieve it. But I believe in it, even when I am not always aware of it.
I wanted people to know that they were not alone, nor are they ever. Everyone is struggling, yet everyone has the right and opportunity to overcome their burdens.
There are so many things that we cannot control, so the idea of self-hatred, loneliness and isolation is something that I feel strongly about vocalizing.
I know our lives will be, at points, filled with grief, confusion, stress and mistakes. We will be hurt by other people, we will lose, we will fail and life won’t always make sense.

I want so badly to be able to create a solution, but I have neither the wisdom nor life experience to offer that. So I needed to redirect the focus of these words. Because I think that writing is powerful. Writing about experience is something no one can deny, because it is your story, your lived experience and view of the world. I can’t write a “How-to”, nor do I desire to.

I admit that my view on the world has been twisted and turned, and the more I focus on the negative, the more I am susceptible to forgetting about the hope. Sometimes the desire to come out of a struggle meant being consumed by it, almost as if to understand it a little more.

So rather than advice, tips, or poetry, I’ll start by simply stating where I am at, and what I have been thinking about the world, and what I hope for. May there be thoughts below that you connect with, ideas that come to mind and the comforting knowledge of knowing at least one other person doesn’t have it all figured out, and that’s okay.

I have a hard time accepting that the way things are is the way they will continue to be. I have a lot of grand ideas for my future, and I don’t always have fully fleshed out plans for them. Most everyone around me seems okay with the idea that everything must be planned in order to be successful. I find this incredibly stressful. It’s not that I want to be lazy, or apathetic, I just don’t want my life planned out before I even begin to do anything. There has to be a healthy balance between spontaneity and preparedness, some middle ground where we leave the option open to be surprised. There has to be some way that I can do something different, that I don’t have to decide it all right now. I know an actual experience will be different than imagining one, but I have a strong intrinsic desire to let things happen as they may. Most of the time I feel like I must be thinking naively, maybe I just don’t understand reality as much as I should. Maybe I just don’t know how the world works. Which is completely correct, I don’t know how the world works. But I do know I don’t like a lot of it. And rather than live through it as is, I so badly want to be able to change something, to make something new.
I really do like change. As scary as it can be sometimes, it always gives me the opportunity for good things to come, and for new experiences. It gives me the chance to let go of the past and move forward. I don’t like routine, or anything that makes me feel like I can click ‘auto-pilot’.
I suppose I see the world in a strange way, which I know will change as I age. Yet I have an unrelenting desire for new-ness, for progress, and I can’t let that go unanswered.

I feel very blessed to have the opportunity to grow, be independent and seek after what I want. Sometimes I wonder if the people who don’t have this same option would be rooting for people such as myself to go after true joy, or whether they would be saying “be happy with what you have, no matter what”.
I suppose it could be a bit of both, yet I have much of the world to explore before I can speak for another. It seems too easy to follow a path that is clear and laid out. If I have the option to create a new one, is that not a good thing? Or too ambitious? Unrealistic? Is it selfish to want something different?

I feel uncomfortable expressing my deepest desires to people often. Not because I don’t have them, or because I don’t believe in them. But I find myself fearing that I will portray judgment, as if my own personal desires are automatically radiated upon other people. Like anyone who has felt someone else trying to convince them of something. As if my dreams turn into a commercial, and I’m trying to sell an idea. Truth is, I try very hard not to judge, no matter how different from me. Yes, I am human and it occurs instinctively sometimes, but I promise you I try to fight it.

The thing is, I don’t care if your dream is big, small, or non-existent as of this moment. I don’t care if it is everything I have never wanted to do, or everything I want to avoid. What I believe is that you do have a dream. That you have some idea of something that might give you purpose. The real, gritty, hard-working kind of purpose. The kind that makes you cry just as much as laugh. The kind that makes you cringe when no one is doing anything about it. Whether you want to save the world or just be a friend to that one lonely person. Whether you want to hike to the top of Mount Everest, or just be able to hike to the top of the stairs. It doesn’t matter if your goal in life is to raise a child that can experience love, or just to experience love in one moment for yourself.
I believe what connect us is not our identical dreams, it’s the fact that we all have something to pursue. I think we can feel connected by lack thereof, but it’s an artificial unspoken connection. True belonging is something we all need.

We follow standards, procedures, rules, and expectations because they create order. But when you look around, this world is anything but orderly. There is no shortage of need for people that want to do SOMETHING… ANYTHING.

“Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something”

– H. Jackson Brown Jr.

It’s true.
I am afraid of…
settling. Of not going after the things that make me feel alive. Of taking the easy road instead of risking the narrow path to purpose. I’m afraid of letting my insecurities dominate what I can and can’t do. I’m afraid of letting the tangible outweigh the intangible.
I love…
love. I love the moment when someone realizes that they matter, like they actually matter. I love being creative, and the inspired works that can come out of letting your mind run wild. I love the outdoors, and being a part of the world in it’s most natural state.
I have lost…
my way. I have lost confidence. I have lost the ability to see myself clearly. I have lost positivity in exchange for negativity. I have lost sight of love, the belief that I deserve to be complete.

I know there will be a lot of learning come adulthood, and that wisdom comes with time. I know I must humble myself before those that have earned the right to speak with authority. I don’t see my opinions as absolute, for I know they are changing and evolving everyday. But I think too often we sacrifice the dreams of the young for the realities of the aged. While life may come with burdens, why are we allowing ourselves to accept the weight of them before we have the chance to say no?
I believe the dreams of children are so valuable, because they are real. They aren’t cautious or built on money. They aren’t scary or unrealistic to them, because life is an opportunity.

I hope you and I never get too old or let down by life to stop dreaming.



You are worth it.

Every tear, every fear
every time you feel burdened to be better
every time you fight artificial reality
every hurt, unwelcomed yet accepted.

We can come to trust that life isn’t fit for us. Like we don’t belong into
the world we were brought into,
as if it was for somebody else.
That somebody else that we try to become, the one that creates a comfortably numb, lonely one with the one that is the world.
To be the same, just to be sane, confusing security with what remains.
A disconnect between who we are and what we’re not, as if the answer is in our failures until we seek them not.
As if we knew all along, but failed to comprehend.
As if it is as easy as pressing a button to be on the other side of the canyon, looking back at man like “what happened, I made it”

If this self is all we’ve got, we better learn to enjoy it.
You will never escape it no matter how much you want it.
A body to hold your soul, lest it crack under the pressure.
Let it be wholesome and treasured, like a diamond in the rough.

Life is rough, but there is beauty in it. If pleasure had no opposite, pleasurably I decline. For this life is mine to define, yet not by what I am not.

I have forgot, I have lost. Who I am right now in search of what I have not caught.
It is not a sickness to be had, nor a cure to be sought, it is an acceptance of the fact that you are worth every, single second that you got.

So stop saying you aren’t worth it.
Stop saying you aren’t good enough.
Stop saying it like you mean it, I don’t believe you
You have purpose.
Stop letting yourself be less than, what you have every right to be.
Stop forgetting that you deserve it, because you are meant to be free.
Stop saying they are better, for are they not human too?
You have the same mind to comprehend, what is equally yours too.

You are worth it.
You are loved.
You are a name, a soul, a self-seeking mystery.
You are amazing, just because you are the first to be you.
You are the purpose, for the pain,
a redeemer of shame.
You are one, who is loved.
You are all of the above.


Twitter: Beloved_Blog



Is it time to stop over analyzing?


I tend to give everything meaning. Positive meaning, negative, doesn’t matter. Most things that happen to me in a day are usually analyzed to have depth of meaning. Sounds like a lot of work, I know. I think that happens as a result of wanting to be in control, wanting to know what comes next, wanting to understand where people are coming from. Sometimes I associate meaning with things that perhaps don’t need one at all.

We do this all the time in romantic pursuits. I doubt anyone can say they have never attached undue meaning to another’s actions in order to understand the intent of their behaviour.

I want things to have meaning because that means I might be able to understand it. I might be able to figure it out, even just a little bit. If he sent me that text, it must mean something. If they didn’t show up, they definitely are not interested.

Life just gets a little simpler if we know the meaning of it.
Wait, no it doesn’t.

Does it even have meaning, or is it all meaningless? Are we supposed to know how to interpret what things carry meaning and what does not? Am I too fast to interpret, to quick to jump to conclusions? Do we need to refrain from associating meaning?

To tell the truth, it is all quite overwhelming. Being a deep thinker definitely has its downfalls. Especially when you make someone out to be someone other than who they are, simply because you are trying so hard to understand them.

Yet, amidst the confusion, I think that everything really does have meaning. Everything has a purpose, everyONE has a purpose. But maybe we don’t have to understand it for meaning to exist. Maybe the mystery of living among a population so wonderfully different than you is what keeps it interesting.

Do we really think we can figure each other out? Do we even want to?

What might it look like to accept the mystery? To not know what comes next, to be surprised by people?

Would our relationships crumble under the confusion, or would they revel in the mystery?

For anyone who is an over thinker like me, it sounds quite terrifying. Yet still I hope to be surprised. I hope that my negative thoughts may be proven wrong, I hope to learn from people. If we are less prone to attaching meaning, people might have a better shot at a second chance. If we let people change, we let them remain a mystery. Perhaps we could have the space to spend our time discovering their unique beauty rather than shrinking them into our idea of who they should be.

I like meaning, because it is exciting and it brings understanding. But I think we could all use a little more mystery. Sometimes not knowing is what can bring us to trust in better things. To trust the best in someone rather than the worst. To assume good, forgive the bad.

I can be so quick to complain of the society that tells me who to be and what to do, while at the same time convincing myself of meanings more false than any advertisement.

I believe life is meaningful, we need to believe in that. But not understanding the meaning doesn’t mean you are lost. Stepping into the unknown takes more courage then standing back to admire your superior understanding ever will.

It is meaningful. It is mysterious. It all matters.

YOU can BE the change


Sometimes it boggles me how the world got to where it is now. At least our North American culture that is. It seems that we spend hours upon hours online or reading books about how to overcome the difficult parts of life. Rejection, failure, oppression, improvement etc… There is no end. The self-help section of a book store sees insurmountable levels of attention. 
The reason this seems odd, is that we seem to be okay with things remaining the same, as long as we can gain advice on how to not let it suck the life out of us.
If people are what got us to where we are today, why can’t people change it?
Having a dream seems to be a scoffed ideal nowadays. People will tell you to get an established career and seek out your passions on the side, just so you are secure and safe.
After many years of progression into our current state of affairs, what would it take to change it?
It is no secret, it takes PEOPLE to change it.
There is no miracle, big bang or one person who is going to solve it. There is no quick fix. But that does not mean there is no hope.

No, it means you need to fight for your dreams because they matter.
Fight for them because they create meaning and purpose for you. When other people see it maybe they will go after it too.
If people got us to today, people will get us to tomorrow.

Going with the flow is easy, but if the flow doesn’t give you purpose then what is the point? It is easier not to push back, but otherwise you will be headed in a direction you never intended to go.
What is the point in living a life of security in a society that you dislike, around people that have different goals than you?
If life has one purpose, I would propose that it is simply that: PURPOSE. and if you don’t seek it, nothing will change.

It is easy to say. Much harder to do. I have a lot to learn, and a lot of mistakes to make before I even approach the fulfilling of a purpose, but all I know is I want it. I want it so bad. I want to be able to say I did not settle for what was expected, but I did something completely different. I want to be able to say that I sought out my unique passions, no matter the cost. I want to be able to say that I loved fiercely, fought hard, and didn’t stand for the things that meant nothing to me.

I want you to say those things too. I want you to fight for what you want because no one else is going to. I want you to believe that this world has a space for you, and only you can fill it. I want you to believe that your differences are important, the way you see things is important. I want you to know that money and success are overrated, and success is what you make it. I want you to believe that you do not have to settle.

When you stop settling, you may not see a change, but it is there. Being alive in your passions is sure enough to spark the world on the path of purpose. That is a beautiful thing that we are all capable of.


** This blog was written with the help of an instrumental, as most of these are, check out:

Nothing Was The Same – Young Oceans